Tuesday, 30 September 2014
This is an entry about my fear of IMPORTANT things falling out of my pockets, such as my phone, wallet and keys. Those are the 3 items that I take virtually everywhere along with me. Sure, they can all be replaceable, but I'd rather not replace them!
I realise that I had this fear because I kept participating within thoughts of when I were to wear my trackie pants (name may vary among countries), basically the sorts of pants that one may wear indoors/as pyjamas/in bed, those sorts of 'comfortable' and 'warm' pants. The pants that one may use to relax...okay, enough about the pants, lol. Anyway, because, yeah..I used to occasionally wear those pants when going out, and I would still put the same 3 items in my pockets. BUT, in THOSE sorts of pants, things would keep falling out. Usually they'd fall out in my car luckily. But, it was still stressful at the time when I'd get out of my car to do something, then get to the shop or wherever, then realise that "Shit! My wallet is gone..." Or, my phone, or whatever. Was always a relief to find my items sitting in my car where I had sat while driving. Now, I realise how much worse it would be if they had fallen out of my pockets when in the train..yikes.
Anyway, I know now to use trackie pants just for indoors. Or well, more specifically, to only use them when I do NOT have to carry IMPORTANT items in my pockets that I need/require for my daily adventures. So, I'm here breaking this fear memory, because most days I wear business-type pants with tight-fitting pockets that are just like most pockets, they keep items tucked in safely, they are not loose-fitting pockets in which things will fall out potentially/eventually.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear that items will fall out of my pockets as I'm wearing my business pants, not realising that my business pants are made to have tight-fitting pockets, whereas my trackie pants all are made to have loose-fitting pockets.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate within the fear that important items WILL fall out of my pockets at some stage, hence my constant checking of my pockets to make sure my phone, wallet and keys are in my pockets, realising within myself that I am participating within the memory of my phone, wallet and keys falling out of my pockets constantly as I wore my trackie pants - within this, I realise that trackie pants are casual pants, whereas business pants are more 'professional' pants.
When and as I see myself checking my pockets for the items that SHOULD be in my pockets, I stop and breathe. I realise that through physically checking my pockets for the items that should be in my pockets, I've allowed myself to participate within the memory, thus, fear, that items will constantly fall out of my pockets because of the memory of wearing trackie pants, thus loose-fitting pockets, thus important items falling out of my pockets.
I commit myself to not participate within the memory of driving to places while wearing trackie pants, and seeing things/realising that things had fallen out of my pockets while in my car - I commit myself to see, realise and understand the physical differences between business pants and trackie pants, and the types of pockets therefore that are contained within each sort of pants - tight-fitting pockets for business pants, and loose-fitting pockets for trackie pants.
Thursday, 25 September 2014
I've noticed this pattern take place within myself throughout my life, where I like things to be symmetrical/aligned. The most recent occurrence of this obsession with symmetry/alignment has come in the form of what I am looking at right now, my laptop screen. Basically, I've noticed myself becoming agitated and frustrated if I'm not positioned squarely in the centre of facing towards my laptop. So, I want to be PERFECTLY centred when facing my laptop, otherwise I feel 'off balance'.
Actually, yeah, this is more strictly about alignment, wanting to be perfectly aligned, less so about symmetry, because my keyboard/screen are not symmetrical in the sense that there are different buttons on each side of the laptop and so on. ANYWAY..so that is it. What I usually try to do is centre myself where the camera is on my laptop. The camera is situated right in the centre of my laptop, so, I assume that if I'm centred with that, then I'm centred with my laptop generally. Actually, right now I'm leaning slightly to the left of that camera, so I'm not 'centred', lol. But that is why I'm writing now, to get over this obsessive point within alignment, because it's not affecting the way I type, it's not affecting anything.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel the need to align my eyes perfectly within the centre and towards the centre of my laptop.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate within backchats that I must be perfectly aligned in facing my laptop, otherwise my writings will be affected.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand, that if I'm comfortable physically with my laptop within typing/looking at the screen, then there is no reason for me to alter my alignment, realising that the only reason to then alter my alignment would be to satisfy my mind.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to align myself and move myself physically to satisfy my mind, even though I was/were physically comfortable when facing my laptop/my position.
When and as I see myself looking at my camera on my laptop and thinking to myself that a re-alignment is in need, I stop and breathe. I realise that had I physically NOT been comfortable/facing my laptop in a way that provided me with optimum positioning, then I would have physically moved my body automatically - within this, I realise that I'm only participating within my mind when I therefore feel the need to alter my positioning.
I commit myself to see, realise and understand that I would have physically moved myself one way or the other if I were truly not comfortable with my environment/positioning in terms of facing my laptop/being comfortable when using my laptop.
I commit myself to not participate within the backchats of my mind that tell me that being not aligned perfectly straight and centred with my laptop will cause me to not write as well, or not do whatever I am doing on my laptop as well as I could be had I been perfectly aligned with my laptop screen.
Wednesday, 24 September 2014
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate within the backchats within my mind of "Why do bad things always happen to me"?
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into the victim personality as I participate in backchats of "Why do bad things always happen to me?" - within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not take self-responsibility for the things that I consider within my life that 'go wrong' or 'don't go as I intended them to go' and things that 'don't go in my favour'. Within this, I realise that I must change my approach to things that I see that do not necessarily go 'my way', I therefore commit myself to change my starting/original approach to things that 'don't go my way', to then see them as learning experiences and things that I can change within my present, and thus avoid them in future through writing/practical application, and a trial and error way of looking at situations that 'do not go in my favour'.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to also participate within the backchats of "Why do bad things only happen to ME?" - within this, I realise that I am in fact NOT unlucky or that bad luck only befalls me as who I am - I therefore realise still that I am in fact playing as the victim character that is participating within excuses as to why things 'don't go my way' or things that 'don't go in my favour'.
I commit myself to STAND UP and take SELF-RESPONSIBILITY for EACH and EVERY scenario/happening that occurs within MY life, but, to also within this, take self-responsibility for the world and all the bullshit that I've accepted and allowed to take place/continue.
When and as I see myself playing out the victim personality/character, I stop and breathe. I realise that by doing so within the questioning of "Why do bad things happen to me?" and "Why do bad things only happen to me?", I am failing to take self-responsibility for the happenings within my life, within this, I realise that I've accepted and allowed myself to place negative/positive energies/labels depending on the event that occurs within my life, and I've allowed myself to be consumed by the apparent 'negative' energies/labels that I have created/placed on scenarios within my life when identifying myself as the victim personality/character.
Monday, 22 September 2014
I ask myself this question a WHOLE lot. It seems to be a daily question within each daily routine that I endure. An 'uncool' part of the routine, that is. It can be ANYTHING. Things where I have asked myself this question lately have been from the 'not cool' happening of myself not getting calls back from jobs that I've applied for/not getting called up for interviews. Car troubles, and having to pay a whole load of money to fix a bunch of stuff to do with my car when I'm already struggling for money, even simple things such as tripping over, or hurting myself somehow, they all end up ending in the same question "Why do bad things always happen to me?"
I can already see within the question of why do bad things always happen to me, that I'm in fact playing the victim of all my 'issues' and all my 'troubles' and 'struggles'. I'm playing the victim. I am also failing to take responsibility for the things that occur within my life or that are apart of my life. I can see all these 'bad' things as just me being unlucky, and bad things always happening to me - I can look at it that way, or I can look at all of these 'struggles' as a trial/error sort of thing, where I learn form my past mistakes, and fix them, whether it's through writing/practical application, or just general know-how of not making the same mistake in future. It's all about the starting point that I have in regards to 'bad' things always happening to me.
Paying for my car to be fixed doesn't have to be a 'bad' thing. Obviously I'd rather not spend money on it, but it has to be fixed. If I don't get it fixed now, then I'll possibly end up with a DEAD car within a few months, or....have to pay more than I originally had wanted to pay if I had just got it fixed in the present/now. And within that, I can see it as a cool time to get a bunch of quotes from car mechanics, and to find the cheapest/most reliable, and can then gather that information to store for later usage when I need to get my car fixed in future. Hell, I can even learn to fix my car myself, with the help of researching online/or however else I can research, purchasing the parts, and fixing my car myself depending on what needs to be fixed. So what I'm saying is that I can look at the point of fixing my car as a massive hassle in my life, I can see it like..why do bad things always happen to me, OR, I can see it as a cool learning experience - which is what will stay with me within my life and get me somewhere to avoid the potentiality of further mistakes occurring.
Self-forgiveness/commitment statements to come.
Sunday, 21 September 2014
So, I just mean in terms of that, and that's what I've noticed as I say that, it's like..in that moment as I speak those words, it's like a tool and a conclusion to prove to the person that I'm saying it to that I'm being 100% completely honest with myself, and with them. So......now I look at the times where I DON'T say 'to be honest' blah blah blah. Which is in fact the MAJORITY of the time. I don't know about others, but in my case, I RARELY say 'to be honest'. And because of that, it gives off the impression to myself and those around me that in those times where I do NOT say 'to be honest', I'm in fact NOT being HONEST.
You know, I'm sure nobody sees it like that, I mean, I never had my whole entire life until the other day as I said. I suppose one reason being is that I rarely say 'to be honest' within any context/sentence that I say to another person.
SO, all in all, I'm going to NOT say 'to be honest' at all anymore, because to me it is pointless. If I am truly honest in each breath I take, within each step that I make, then why do I have to validate myself or validate an honest 'aura' around myself by speaking the words 'to be honest'? I don't. I can (for example) just say 'I dislike John'. I don't have to say 'To be honest, I dislike John'. I'm already walking my process within self-honesty and each word I speak to another and also within my writings is honest/self-honest. Side note: Disliking people is not cool, that is something that someone has to work/write out within themselves as to stop reactions within disliking someone, just a random example I thought of.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel the need to express validation/honesty towards myself/another by voicing/typing the words 'to be honest' before then specifying what I feel needs validation within self-honesty for another to then believe me or to make sure that another trusts my words.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realise that through all the times I have NOT voiced the words 'to be honest', that then shows that I'm NOT honest in those times, and it shows that only in the moments/words that I use when saying 'to be honest' am I TRULY self-honest/honest to myself and others.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realise that if I am truly self-honest within myself and honest with others, then I do NOT need to speak the words 'to be honest', as I am in fact honest within each breath that I take, and within each word that I speak to another/in my writings, as I see, realise and understand that self-honesty is KEY to progress within my own process, and also in relation to my progress when talking to others.
When and as I see myself speaking the words 'to be honest' in any given situation as a means of 'validating' my honesty to another person, I stop and breathe. I realise that as I am now self-honest within myself at ALL times, then I automatically can speak honesty to another without feeling the need to validate honesty through speaking those words 'to be honest'.
When and as I see myself not realising that self-honesty/honesty are KEY, I stop and breathe. I realise that both in terms of my writing process/practical process and application, and talking to others, too, honesty is important, as it assists me, and changes me into what is best for all life, through self-honesty.
Within this, I realise that to not be self-honest/honest, is to then suppress myself towards myself/others.
I commit myself to walk each step within my process and to walk within each breath within my process within SELF-HONESTY.
I commit myself to therefore NOT feel the need to validate honesty within myself/to others by expressing the words 'to be honest' as a means of someone trusting me within the context that I give 'to be honest' - I therefore commit myself to ALWAYS be self-honest/honest which in turn gives me NO reason to say 'to be honest' in ANY given context/sentence/scenario, as I am living self-honesty within myself.
Wednesday, 10 September 2014
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed to NOT say NO to others.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blindly accept this course offer without considering the life in which I lead as a physical presence - within this, I realise that what I should/must do in these situations whereas persuasion is used to alter my conclusion process, is to STOP, BREATHE and consider the situation thoroughly within myself as to know for sure whether this course will assist me or not within myself obtaining a job in future.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate within backchats of my mind whereas at the time of listening to this potential course offer, I allowed myself within backchats to only see the 'good' that COULD come from doing this course, as opposed to looking at my life-situation to assess whether and how this course will help me - within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not take into consideration the length of the course itself, and how much time I must devote to the course to complete it/gain the qualification which is associated with this course.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react within an emotion of GUILT by allowing myself to feel guilty through a long phone call with this person, and feeling guilt for declining the offer of the course after we had spoken for 15 minutes within this person attempting to persuade me to enrol into the course.
When and as I see myself in a situation where I see myself being persuaded or being attempted to be persuaded by others, I stop and breathe. I realise that I must look at my own LIFE/SITUATION in all aspects, as to truly see, realise and understand whether whatever it is, is actually going to ASSIST me within my life, or whether it will NOT assist me.
When and as I see myself reacting within guilt after prolonged persuasion tactics, and within this feeling remorse for the person attempting to persuade me, I stop and breathe. I realise that I've been preprogrammed to feel GUILT within certain situations - within this, I commit myself to STOP my participation within guilt reaction, as to avoid making moves which do not assist me within my life, where I am only looking to assist another's life, completely ignoring my own life and what will assist ME within my life.
I commit myself to say NO to others.
I commit myself to NOT see saying NO to others as a form of being 'mean' or 'harsh', realising within myself that I must do what is best for ME within my life, and realising within myself if that means saying NO to others, then that's what I MUST/WILL do.
I commit myself to not assist others' through an ignorance of what assists me within my life.
I commit myself to ALWAYS stop and CONSIDER if something will truly assist me within my life, or if it will in fact NOT assist me within my life, and therefore be a waste of time.
Monday, 8 September 2014
I basically got a call out of the blue the other day. I had been applying for jobs on a certain website, and some person that deals with associations within the website, they offered me this online course in management. So, I could use it for future occasions within managing businesses/teams. The thing is, at the time of the call, this really did not interest me. I had just finished a different course a few days before getting this call, and I wasn't ready to do a whole new course that would take me at least 6 months to complete. I was focused on getting a job only, not doing another course. And, for the job/jobs that I wanted, I didn't need this particular qualification to get a job, and it wouldn't help me at all for the jobs that I wanted to get into.
I'm looking at this and saying this in hindsight. Thing is, at the time of the call, I blindly accepted and said to this person that I'd give the course a shot. So this person assisted me in filling out these forms online. It was rather quick, but within myself, I knew this was a complete waste of time - both filling in these details, and signing up for the course. This person was doing their absolute utmost to persuade me into signing up for this course. The thought came into myself that this person may get commissions for enrolling me and others into the course. It certainly sounded that way. They were doing all they could to sign me up, telling me how 'great' the course was, and all the potential jobs I could then get into after completion of the course.
After further investigation as to why I 'gave into persuasion' and enrolling into the course, I found it hard to say NO. This is a point I have somewhat worked through within charities. You know, those people that set up stalls and such in 'ideal' locations as to stop us after we shop or on the way to the shop, and 'ask for a minute of our time' hehe 'minute'. And you end up talking to them, or rather, they end up talking to you for 10 minutes about this great charity that will help everyone and 'delete' poverty. I always gave into that. I felt a 'guilt' within myself if I were to bypass that offer of assisting others. But I did get past that point, and haven't signed up for any charities or the like since writing.
Another point was making their life easier in terms of...like, they had been talking to me for 15 minutes trying to persuade me into doing this course. I didn't give them a definite answer by saying NO, I don't want to do this course...I did not say that (of course realising that I should have said those words). So after 15 minutes of being persuaded somewhat, I thought I'd be kind and accept the offer. I did write about this previously too, where I sort of attempt to make others' lives easier and just ignore making my own life easier eg. Saying NO, or...basically saying NO and hanging up the phone earlier, rather than wasting my time listening to these persuasion tactics.
Okay, self-forgiveness/commitment statements to come.
Focus points are:
1. I find it hard to say NO to people
2. I like to make others' lives easier, while ignoring making my own life, the life that I'M in charge of, making my life easier.
Sunday, 7 September 2014
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to avoid putting the bins outside for collection/emptying out of a fear of the bin being blown over by wind/a slope on the nature strip.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear to take responsibility for the bin being blown over/fallen over if I were to put the bin out onto the nature strip.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to envision my landlord shouting at me because I did not make sure that the bin was properly secure on the nature strip and thus would not fall over and onto the road.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not use my wits and common sense to make sure that the bin is secure to then avoid it falling over onto the road.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to only consider the rubbish disposal people within the context of making their job easier by putting the bin closer to the road on the nature strip - within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not do what's most likely and the best position for the bin to actually be in, which would be further back from the road/having something infront of the bin for it to not topple over onto the road.
When and as I see myself avoiding a responsibility within putting the bin out or not, I stop and breathe. I realise that I must use my common sense/wits to secure the bin one way or the other as to avoid it falling over/emptying all over the road with rubbish.
When and as I see myself fearing to put the bin out onto the nature strip from the origin point of fearing reactions from my landlord if the bin were to fall over/empty onto the road, I stop and breathe. I realise that I, as well as all life make mistakes, and I realise that all I can do is do my best to secure the bin's position as to avoid it falling over.
I commit myself to take responsibility and put the bins out onto the nature strip, but within this, placing the bin onto the nature strip within common sense and secure it properly as to avoid it falling over.
I commit myself to not only consider making the garbage disposal people's jobs easier, but to also consider the bin itself and to consider my position when placing the bin out onto the nature strip for emptying.
Saturday, 6 September 2014
Okay, here is specific context for this entry: It was a Sunday, and on a Sunday, the people living in the area that I live in, they put their rubbish bins out onto the nature strip for the bins to then be emptied by the garbage disposal people who come and empty the rubbish bins sometime on Monday. So, usually..well at the house that I'm living at currently, I always try to avoid doing this, I try to avoid putting the bins out onto the nature strip. The reason that I try to avoid doing this is because where I live, the nature strip outside of the house, it's sort of slanted, it's on a slope somewhat - so, I don't want to be the responsible one if a wind or something alike comes and pushes the bin from the nature strip, and onto the road - causing rubbish that was inside of the bin to fly out all over the road and possibly onto vehicles, which could in turn blind that vehicle driver and render them to be in a car accident.
I mean, that is certainly a major WHAT IF scenario right there. I mean, I wouldn't say it's likely for some rubbish to cause a major car accident. Anyway, so I was avoiding responsibility by not taking the bins out myself, and instead letting someone else who lives at my house to do so. That way, I wouldn't be blamed for the bins potentially being on the road because of the slant/slope and a wind or something pushing the bin over and onto the road. That was how I saw this scenario.
So, logically speaking, my options for putting the bin onto the nature strip is to either put it in a different location that might be a bit further away from the driveway/house, and doing so to find a more flat piece/area of turf. Or, putting the bin further back from the road, because the nature strip is only slanted on the area towards the roads. The only reason that I avoided doing that was because I was unsure as to how far back I should be putting the bins. Because the garbage disposal people usually drive past in trucks which automatically pick up the bins, empty them, then drop the bins back onto the ground - emptied.
But, I'm sure their automated rubbish-picking up mechanism has the ability to go a bit further as to reach the rubbish bin if it's back a bit, and if not, they may have to exit the vehicle and empty my rubbish bin manually - which I've seen be done before. But it depends on my options. I'd rather have to do that, than the bin falling onto the road and rubbish being all over the road, I don't want that happening. That can endanger all life in one way or another. And I don't want to litter the place one way or another. So - I'm not going to put the rubbish bin super close to the road just for the garbage disposal people to have an easier job in emptying the bin, because in doing so, I'm increasing the likelihood of the bin toppling over before the garbage disposal people come to empty my bin, and them actually finding the bin and all the rubbish all over the road. That does not help anyone/anything, myself and the garbage disposal people included.
Self-forgiveness/commitment statements to come
Thursday, 4 September 2014
I spend most of my time indoors. Especially when I'm by myself, I spend my time with my laptop, chilling. But, it was a rather nice day weather-wise last week. Well, the day that I chose to go outside and just take in nature, it was a sunny day. I went into the front yard and I just chilled in my car for an hour or two. I opened all my car doors, and it was just nice to be 'outside' with the sun beaming down onto me and the breeze, the wind, and hearing all of the life around me chirping away and such. It was really cool.
I mean, I haven't really done that ever. Like, properly been able to stay in one position by myself and just realise how awesome nature is. It was a cool experience. I'm going to do that more often, though. Just going outside daily (if I have no other matters to attend to such as work etc) and just take in all of nature, the sun, breeze and so on. Just as I wrote that, I heard birds chirping away while I'm writing this on my laptop, lol. So it's cool, just being with nature and being one with nature, I'm more aware now of other life around me. Whereas other times, I'd take no notice or not even realise that there is a bird chirping, or a dog barking.
And of course, sun offers vitamin D to me. And just generally being outdoors is healthy for my physical body and for myself generally. So, again, it's about balance. I wrote about balance in my previous blog post, but that was balance between physical socialisation and online socialisation. This is about balancing indoor activity with outdoor activity. Why should I stick to one or the other, and miss out on the benefits of the other activity? And I have used the excuse of there being 'not much to do' outdoors. But, when I look at that statement within an indoors perspective, there's not a whole lot to do indoors either. Lol, if I had no computer/no internet, I'd say the exact same thing, except about being indoors: 'there's nothing to do indoors'.
But, yeah, even if I am stationary outdoors, I'm benefiting my body by giving it the chance to take in the environment, nature, the sun, the animals, life. And slowly but surely becoming more aware of how awesome nature is, and other life around me - that is super cool.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to deny myself the benefits of being outdoors and being within nature, life.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to allow excuses within myself of there being nothing to do outside to deter me from going outside and being outside.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not be aware of nature and be aware of life around me.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to see my computer as the only cool thing within my life, thus ignoring the awesome-ness of being outdoors.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not balance the two things out, balancing both indoor activity and balancing outdoor activity.
When and as I see myself holding and participating onto the excuse of there being nothing to do outdoors, I stop and breathe. I realise that I've created such an attachment to my computer, that I've forgotten and thus ignored what being outdoors and what being within nature provides for me and the benefits that being outdoors provides for me. Within this, I realise that even though I may be stationary when being outside, it is still a cool experience for myself to be with nature and feel the sun's beams upon me and chilling with other life outdoors.
I commit myself to both go outdoors, and go indoors, and to use both of these to assist myself within my process.
I commit myself to see, realise and understand the benefits of myself being outdoors and participating within nature, within life.
I commit myself to see, realise and understand that the more time that I spend outdoors in relation to other life, the more aware I become of other life, which is a cool lesson and knowing for me to understand and realise within myself - that awareness of other life around me.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to neglect potential friendships.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to enter scenarios within the mindset of not making any friends whatsoever, and instead choosing to do my job or what I must do to contribute to society.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to neglect the physical side within other people and I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to neglect physical communication with others.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realise that physical socialisation/friendships are just as vital to me as online socialisation/friendships - within this, I realise that both physical and online socialisation can assist me within my journey to life.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not make an effort in making friends within class time, and literally ignoring that aspect within myself and instead choosing to focus solely on what grades I get within my class time/classwork.
When and as I see myself preferring to focus on my classwork/class time rather than socialise with others physically, I stop and breathe. I realise that the best thing that I can do is to balance both the classwork/class time and the physical social side, as I can then succeed within my work and get the grades that I want to achieve, while at the same time, meeting some people that I can relate to within common interests, that can in turn assist me within my life/process in a multitude of ways.
When and as I see myself thinking that I can walk my life/process within an online world exclusively, thus ignoring any physical socialisation/communication with others, I stop and breathe. I realise that the physical aspect within socialising with others and being friends/making friends is also vital to me, as change within my writings, I need to practice and show my practical application and within my physical interaction with others, that is a great place to show the practical application that I must show within my writings.
I commit myself to balance both socialisations, in terms of physical socialisations, and in terms of online socialisations.
I commit myself to give myself the opportunity to connect with others and learn from them, just as they can learn from me.
I commit myself to see, realise and understand the importance of physical socialisation/interaction with others on a physical basis, in person.
I commit myself to realise that it's cool to make new friends on a physical level, as I can both learn from them/communicating with them, and it gives me opportunities to meet up with that person and do something physical with another, instead of looking at my computer screen.
I commit myself to see, realise and understand that physical interactions with others is a cool opportunity for me to test/show through my writings, my practical application to my writings to also prove to myself that I've gotten past certain points.
I commit myself to take the first step in terms of being the one who asks for somebody's phone number/other details as for them and I to stay in contact, rather than neither of us saying anything and thus both of us going our separate ways, even though there were common interests between us to be had/cool communications/interactions/lessons to be learnt for both of us.
Wednesday, 3 September 2014
But I need to make an actual effort. Like, I need to somehow keep in contact with these people by getting their phone numbers or adding them on Facebook or something similar. Obviously I have to get to know them first to check out the common interests and things like that. But at the same time, it's not like there's a great deal of time to get to know someone. We only had a few breaks during class time to socialise. But I really want to change my approach to class time specifically. And actually, even to work.
Basically any situation, I shouldn't neglect potential friendships. It's cool to socialise with others. Socialise with others in person, as opposed to always in an online scenario. Online is cool too, but that in person contact/physical contact is really cool as well. I read someone else's blog a while ago and they mentioned that it's good to have a bit of both, online socialising, and in person socialising, and I agree. But even in general terms, I realise that I've approached a lot of things with the mindset that "I don't need anybody else, as long as I can write daily within self-forgiveness/commitment statements, I'll be fine." You know, stuff like that.
So, I've neglected the in person social side within my life. Perhaps there are others out there who do not need any in person socialisation. I thought I was that person, but not anymore. When I was younger, I used to socialise physically (in person) with others a lot more than I do these days. But that's also down to the drifting apart of friends. Which is a common trait among people as far as I'm concerned. You know, people lose contact over time, whether it's because of school finishing, changing of schools etc. But yes within this, I take full responsibility for the 'drifting apart' of my past friendships. I allowed that to happen, obviously.
So, apart from 'rekindling' my past friendships, I'm going to make an effort to NOT neglect present/future potential friendships. Because as I mentioned earlier, that physical socialisation is important to me. If there's no physical socialisation, then there is just computer/online socialisation as far as I'm concerned. I want both of those. They can both support me, make me realise things about myself, and that's cool and that's what I want in life.
Self-forgiveness/commitment statements to come..
Monday, 1 September 2014
When and as I see myself going into a state of panic when assuming that my tyre has popped and air is being released out of it, I stop and breathe. I realise that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate within my mind and mind's thoughts of me being stranded along with my car and having people judge me negatively for not being able to move my car.
I commit myself to not react within panic when and as I hear my potential car's tyre being deflated/the sound of air being released.
I commit myself to when and as I hear air being released from my tyre, to not participate within my mind and mind's thoughts/images of being stranded along with my car and having people judge me negatively because of that.
I commit myself to not stereotype road users as inconsiderate people that will only judge me negatively if I were to be stranded along with my car - within this, I realise that not all road users are inconsiderate/impatient people, realising that there are in fact helpful people/considerate/patient people out there that would assist me if I needed assistance.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to engage myself into a reaction of panic when and as I hear air being released from what I assumed was my car's tyre.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to immediately think to myself that it's 'my' issue, and I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of thinking of "Why do 'bad' things always happen to me?".
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think that 'bad' things only happen to me.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to connect the image of my tyre being popped to images/memories that I've seen in the past where people have car issues and are stuck in traffic, while other car drivers are insulting that stranded person and being impatient/inconsiderate to that stranded person and their car.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear being swore at and being judged negatively by other road users if my car were to be stranded/stuck.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not BREATHE in the moment of panic onsetting within myself - so that I can stay within my physical self and not 'consider' 'bad' things/thoughts such as my tyre being popped and then other road users swearing at me and judging me negatively.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to view the general public as road users as 'inconsiderate' people.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think that I of all people were stranded with my car, that EVERY single person would have a go at me, abuse me, swear at me, mock me, and judge me negatively - within this, I realise that I've allowed myself to go into the "Why do 'bad' things always happen to me?" persona.
Commitment statements to follow.